apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
