just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
3 2 1 whiskey
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
