I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
