Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
