Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
