he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
