on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
