I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
