got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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