i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
