Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
