Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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