Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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