Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
