It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want a musical about memes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
