I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
