just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
