Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize