very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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