I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
