She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
