I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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