Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
