Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
