Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
