Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
