apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
