I'm really into asian looking animals
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
