She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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