I feel like abortions should bother me more
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
