Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
soo... how was my night?
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