just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
