Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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