I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
