i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
