and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
