he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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