i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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