You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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