Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
