She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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