Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
COCAINE IS GR8
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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