Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
wow bdsm is so cute
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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