Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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