you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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