When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
