im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
