I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
