Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
