i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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