Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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