My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i came on her dog
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
