I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
