Who did Billy Mays play for?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
