she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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