apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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