He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
