dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
