You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
