I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
