I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
