Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
