I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
