The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
