Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
