I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
