Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
