I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize