I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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