Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
